One week ago from the time of this post, I had my second sleep study at UT Medical. This test involved wearing the CPAP mask and figuring out what pressure would be ideal for me.
This means that I will be using the CPAP machine for sure to help with my sleep apnea. I had the help of a prescribed generic tablet of Ambien this time. The test started around 10:30pm, I fell asleep not long after. Next thing I know, I wake up to go use the bathroom, and it’s just before 4:00am. I slept almost all of that time on my back. The amazing thing about that is that I haven’t slept on my back in years! I usually fall asleep on my left side. The problem has been that I eventually end up in a sitting position. This has been going on for a good many years.
I’m glad I’ve been taking steps to combat this. Now I’m just awaiting the analysis of this last study and when and where to get my machine. I’m so looking foward to having a regular, restful night of sleep on a regular basis.
With all of the #ComeyDay stuff going on today, I feel that I need to put my thoughts down on why I don’t post about politics on my blog.
This isn’t to say that I’m not deeply concerned with what goes on in politics. I do care in what goes on in the world around me. I surely can’t escape hearing about it every day I’m at work and directing a newscast.
This blog has and always will be an escape. An escape to the topics which interest me and only me. You might find these topics either very interesting or very boring. I don’t personally care. I don’t play it up any more than that. This is a place for my thought and my discoveries, and I feel like there are plenty of people out there to digest and have opinions about what goes on in politics already.
I am not an expert on government. I am not a pundit. So why talk about something that you have no confidence in discussing? That’s all I am getting at.
If only certain people in the world could realize when they are wholly unqualified to talk about anything.
I had trouble getting to sleep. This has been common for me if I have to try to sleep in bed that I’m not used to. I’m just so used to sleeping on the couch in the living room that my body has a hard time doing anything different. I think another contributing factor is that I’m not active enough during the day and am not truly tired when I try to go to sleep sometimes.
I only slept for 34% of the test. In case you’re curious, the test was from around 10:30pm through 5:00am. I distinctly remember just lying there, trying to count sheep and trying to just shut down. It wasn’t working very well for me. The tech said they did get some data, but it’s very possible that they will have to do a second test. This is common. This test would more than likely be a fitting for the CPAP machine. They have to get the pressure that I would need to use figured out during this second test. I should know something in around two weeks.
I did come home and sleep some more, so I’ll be OK. I think that I need to start being more active right now to try and help the initial problem. I definitely can do that.
I am sitting here in a room at the UT Sleep Clinic about to undergo a sleep study. I have had problems sleeping for quite a long time. It’s about time that I did something about it.
It is probably a safe bet that I am going to end up wearing a mask when I sleep. They’ve already tried it on me. It isn’t that bad! As long as it helps me to fall asleep and stay asleep without sitting up and sleeping in a sitting position, I think I can do this.
While we were out a shopping center yesterday, some idiot decided to, well, be an idiot. This person stole my Human Rights Campaign magnet off the back our car. Not only that, they went further and bent our license plate. My initial feelings was anger, sadness, irritation, you name it and I was probably experiencing it simultaneously.
As a testament to how wonderful Greg always is, he listened, reassured, told me everything would be OK, and calmed me down. I made a Facebook post after that initial reaction died down:
I had a great reaction to that, and for that I thank you all. I feel better today…
So, as I sit here, I am embarking on a week off from work. I love my job, but I also love being able to take time off from work as well. It’s always nice to get out and experience the world around you. Stop and smell the flowers once in a while. You could literally insert any nice saying here and it probably will apply to my thinking at this moment.
We will be in Atlanta next week for a few days mainly just shopping and being out and about. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and be nice.
I am also trying to recover from a nasty infection on my arm related to a fall I took at work a few days ago. It is very minor but a little challenging at the same time. I’ll be OK though and I am not limited by any means.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the Big Apple will see us again in September!
I think I should take some time here to explain something else that might be classified as “personal.”
I have been with Greg now for 12 years. They have been 12 wonderful years. I am so lucky to have someone who not only understands me, but actually likes to be around me. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever find anyone who could do that. I am a terribly complex, challenging individual who is probably not the easiest person in the world to get along with at times.
I am loud, brash, outspoken. Greg is very reserved, very smart, doesn’t say a lot. So, why? Why are we so perfect for each other?
I thought about it, and I must admit I hadn’t thought about this at all really in all the time we have been together until just now. I just like being around Greg so much because he was the first person I ever met in person that spoke my language. He understood everything that I liked, he understood everything I desired to do. He was a missing piece in a vast puzzle that was my life in 2005. He really was the right person to come along at the right time and give me crucial inspiration to what I was doing.
Our courtship began in January, and we officially became a couple on March 26, 2005. It was in this very city of Knoxville, on a Friday afternoon jaunt down here after classes were done, that we fell in love for good. The days, weeks and years that followed have been so magical. So wondrous. We have done lots of things and gone many places and, yet, there is still so much more we would like to do.
We have had our ups and downs, but we have always been there for each other. I love him dearly, and as we approach 12 years as a couple and 2 years as a married couple, I look forward to the years ahead and couldn’t be happier.
In light of my post telling my coming out story, I feel like I need to say a few positive things. I have been very fortunate since I started on my current journey into the world of broadcasting to have met some great individuals who have encouraged me at every step to live my dreams. You couldn’t ask for a greater experience than the one I’ve had. My days in college at East Tennessee State University are some fond memories that I have. I learned a lot, made a lot of mistakes and learned how to be a great person in life. Not only in my career, but with everything in life. Tom, Candy and Tammy were great teachers that really were a great influence on the strong professional I have become.
I have met great people outside of college as well. You could consider this the last part of My Coming Out Story that I didn’t really expand upon, but it fits in here. Three people in particular that I met in between my coming out and getting to where I wanted to be in life are very important in keeping my spirits up over the years.
Dan Darnell, you are a great person. He let me come to his house on several occasions, even one Thanksgiving that I couldn’t go home to be with my family. He would be my friend out in public when a lot of people wouldn’t have been. That meant a very lot to me, and it still does to this day. He has a heart of gold and I know that a lot of people like him for that.
Jon Hunter, you are a great guy as well. He would come and take me places back in those dark days of 2003-2004 when I didn’t really have a reliable car and was walking to work. He would hang out and not have a care in the world to be around a guy like me. We would always give each other crap on our birthdays because he, well, let’s say is a little more “wiser” than I am (if you get my drift.) Haha. One of these days Jon, you and your guy have to meet up with me and Greg and just catch up. It’s been way too long.
Chris Ventura, our friend from the left coast! He has known Greg longer than he’s known me, and it’s been almost a decade since we first met in person in sunny Los Angeles. His warm compassion over the years has been so nice. He’s a talented, ambitious guy who is just as much of a media geek as me and Greg are.
I also need to mention all of my online friends, too many to name in this one post. Except for Klauss, he gets his name mentioned just because.
Of course, there are also many other people with whom I have worked with or have known in various places over the years, it would be impossible to try and mention them all here. The post would literally go on for a day-and-a-half! If you’ve ever been nice to me, know that it mattered a lot!
I realize that in the last 12 years since Greg and I have been a couple, and almost two years of marriage, that it seems like a lot of time has passed, but those memories of yesteryear seem like they only happened yesterday. Has it really been that long? Geez.
There are many great years ahead, and many more great memories to be made. I am really looking foward to making them together.
You might want to sit down for this one. This is not the sappy tale you think it’s going to be. My life has been a complicated one, but one that I have never wrote out or told publicly. That changes now.
I struggled with my sexuality all through my childhood. I have always felt an attraction to other guys as far back as I can remember. It was just there. It didn’t happen overnight or anything, it was just… there. I didn’t understand it then because well, those things weren’t talked about in such a rural place like Southwest Virginia.
All throughout high school, the feelings were still there, but with no guidance, I never did anything about it. I didn’t have any kind of meaningful relationship. I couldn’t come out, not then. I was fortunate that it never became an issue that anyone would bully me over. I was made fun of a bit for other things, but not for being LGBTQ. It’s unfortunate that anyone should ever have to be bullied for anything at all, but we’ll come back to that.
EDIT: I just wanted to add here that I had some good friends and did have some really great times during my high school years, so it wasn’t all pain and suffering. I have many great memories from those days.
I didn’t start to figure things out until I was 19 going on 20.
Me at 20 Years Old (Dec. 1999)
I remember my first so-called “relationship.” (I put it in quotes for a reason.) The details of what it was aren’t important to this story, but suffice it to say that I still couldn’t tell everyone who I was, even then. I think I knew by that time that I was gay. At the same time, I knew 100% that I couldn’t tell anyone for fear of being a social outcast. In a small town of around 2,000 people, it would be like drinking poison in a way. I look back on that now and say, “What were you thinking!?”
I wonder if anyone I knew then would have cared if they had known. Some probably wouldn’t, some probably would. I’ll probably never know, nor does it matter at all.
The first person who I came out to was Brian, a great friend and co-worker at the time. He was very understanding and didn’t think any less of me. I distinctly remember him saying, “I don’t care.” That was a very encouraging thing to hear. Brian and me are still good friends to this day.
The first family member I came out to was my sister Naomi. It was 2002. I was taking to her on the phone while walking in a store. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I felt like I just had to tell someone, to just let someone else know who I was and hopefully that I wouldn’t have that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach anymore that I was contained in such a small space in my own existence. Naomi understood, she said “I still love you, everything will be OK.” That was a very big relief. I didn’t come out to anyone else in my family on my terms, they just kind of found out over the years. They still love me, even if they might not approve. I respect them no matter what, and I know, or at least hope, that they respect me.
Since that day, the issue hasn’t been a big one for me. I could be who I was. I met new friends, experienced new things. Even had a few bad relationships. The normal stuff any person might go through. Then the man who stole my heart walked into my life in 2005. And, well, if you know me, you know most of the rest of the story.
Until it came up one last time: 2008. My 10 year high school reunion. I went and caught up with some great people. Until one person started questioning me about being gay. He said that he couldn’t believe it, that he thought I had failed them. I just couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t scared, or afraid, or worried, no. I was just literally dumbfounded at such a statement. I just brushed it off and reaffirmed that I am who I am. I left it at that. Why should be sexual orientation be on full display in a place where it shouldn’t matter? Isn’t that the culture that we all would hope for, where we can be ourselves and coexist happily? I just went on about my business.
This year marks 20 years since I graduated high school, and I don’t really want to go back to another reunion. Not because of that encounter, but because I feel more disconnected from where I grew up than I did 10 years ago. I didn’t belong there. My ambitions were elsewhere.
So, that’s my story. An unusual one, but that’s what it was. You may ask yourself why my story needs to be told? Because it needs to be told. So many people struggle with coming out, with being who they are. I’m here to tell them “YOU matter.” Don’t be afraid, there are lots of kind, nice and warm people here to help you with who you are. That’s why I am telling my story. I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud of my strong relationship and I’m going to be proud of everyone. I love my life, I love this world, and I am not going to be silent. I am proud. 🙂
I’m sure at one time or another in life, you have probably stopped for a second and asked yourself, “Why do I do what I do?” All of us at one time or another might stop for a moment and reflect on who they are, what they do, what they contribute, etc. There was a time that I asked myself this very question.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “Is he second guessing himself?” No, no, no. Not in the slightest bit. Just a mere reflection.
I have believed and am still confident that my job is important. People turn to a TV station for many things. The foremost thing is information. Information about what is going on in their world. News, weather, sports, community events, and so forth. It’s important that the community has a voice. It’s also very important that those who govern have their say too, but at the same time, since they serve the public interest, they need to be held accountable for the job they do in such service. This is of paramount importance in news.
But, while you think that directing a newscast is all I do, that’s not all I do. I have a job to see that the public is given entertainment too. There isn’t an hour of the day on my station that I haven’t touched at one point or another in my current job. People turn to us to try and forget the challenges of their day, to be distracted if nothing, at least for a little while. That part of my job I take seriously as well.
You’d be right to ask yourself what brought this on. With all of the accusations thrown around lately of “fake news,” I have never in my life felt more strongly about what I do and who I am. It’s important that people have essential information to make informed decisions. That won’t change no matter what. I’m proud of who I am and what I do. I think you will agree.
