What is Wrong With Me?

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For all intents and purposes… I should be happy. More than that, I should be jumping up and down from the mountain tops to the valleys of the North Georgia landscape. Greg finally has a gig in Atlanta starting in July. I am doing well in my current job. There shouldn’t be any reason that I should feel uneasy. Yet I am.

Human emotions are a very funny thing. Just when you think that you are getting ahead and feeling good there are things in life that can hold you back… even just a little bit but just enough to register on your psyche.

Just to get the reader of this article up to speed: twice in the last week I should have felt elated…

You will forgive me if I feel like that I am faking it for the camera. I may just be down in the dumps when I type this but that’s how I feel at the current moment.

I don’t know where my soul is. I wish I could elaborate further but there are some details that are just not fit for this blog because they could be deemed too personal or too sensitive for the internet to know about. Keep in mind kids, the internet never forgets even if you hit the delete button. It will find a way to come back and haunt you when you lease expect it.

I will find a way to be positive. I have to. I will.

A Love Letter To My Husband

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It has been a long time since our paths first crossed. 14 years, as a matter of fact. Can you really believe that is has been that long? Where has all the time gone? It seems like it was only yesterday that we were spending practically every moment out of our college classes together, goofing off, watching old TV shows, meandering about in the middle of nowhere. Enjoying each other and making great memories. Falling in love. I will never forget that first kiss in the middle of a shut down interstate highway. That’s a story for the ages.

I know we have been apart a lot lately. While it has been tough for both of us to love from afar, I still feel your presence by my side every day. When I am having frustrations, I know you are there. You keep me going, you keep me striving to do better, to work harder, to do more.

I know that I am there with you as well. Pushing you to keep going, to do the same. I know how much you have been trying to achieve what you want. I know that someone will see the great potential that you have and give you an opportunity. I believe in you so much that the size of that confidence stretches beyond the limits of this galaxy, and then some.

I could go on forever, but I know how to always sum up our love. It all comes back to our song. We will dance to this song someday. How about on April 17th, 2025?

Nick and Greg’s Song

I love you, Greg Brobeck.

What Pride Means to Me

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This weekend, the Tri-Cities, where Greg and I grew up, is having a pride celebration for the first time. While I think it’s taken entirely way too long to get to this point, I am glad nonetheless that it is finally happening. Greg and I have had a long road in our relationship of over 13 years as a couple and in all of that time we largely and surprisingly did not go to pride celebrations. That of course changed last year with us attending Atlanta Pride. We declared at that point after having so much fun that we would never miss one ever again. We are going to no less than three pride celebrations this year. We’ve already been to Knox Pride, we will be at TriPride this weekend, and in October we will be visiting Atlanta Pride again.

In all of this I ask myself, “What does pride mean to me?”

It’s important to me that I support everyone in my community. We should all be proud of who we are. We should have people around us that love us unconditionally. I have to admit that I have felt at certain times in my life that while people say they love me they secretly have misgivings about me and my sexuality. That is an unfortunate but real feeling for someone to have. It usually comes in the guise of “love the sinner, hate the sin.” I have grown to loathe that way of thinking. One cannot go through life living a by double standards like that.

OK, so that got negative for a second. Let’s focus on the positive. Pride is still a very important thing, especially in the current political climate. I don’t want this post to turn into a history lesson so suffice it to say that you know how things have gotten better while terrifying at the same time in the last 5-10 years. I won’t go into those details here. The point is that the LGBTQ community still faces challenges. Hate is a very, very real thing. It’s sad that in 2018 we even have to say that. Maybe one day we will be past it. Will I see it in my lifetime? I don’t know. I hope so.

Pride is also important because of why it exists in the first place. We must remember the Stonewall riots of 1969. It is very important to respect our elders and the struggles and sacrifices they made to make sure that we can be loud, proud and authentic. Next year will be the 50th anniversary of the riots. I hope we can go on vacation to NYC next year to celebrate pride there. We shall see. Other people in other cities and towns have had similar struggles as well. Each and every one of them needs to be remembered as well. We all have to recognize the adversity of being our true and authentic selves. It’s not an easy road being someone who goes against someone else’s opinion of what is “normal” and “usual.” That is why we celebrate pride.

It’s also important to remember those that we have lost over the years. When we were vlogging in Atlanta last October, we visited the AIDS Quilt in Piedmont Park. I shot a little footage that we did not end up using in the vlog because it was way too emotional. It is sad and tragic what people in our community had to go through when the crisis was happening in the 1980s and 1990s. I read story after story about how people like that were disowned. However, there were a lot of heroes who stepped up at that time and helped out. We must remember these people when we celebrate pride as well.

I have a confident feeling that the majority of people in the country, if not the world, do support the LGBTQ community. Like my friend Joshua Willis said, “It’s getting there. It’s getting there.”

 

It’s Gonna Be May

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As we approach Summer 2018, we are headed into interesting times in our lives. As I have said before, we have great plans and career goals this year. We shall see how it plays out over the next four or five months.

As one approaches this, however, you constantly are looking back on what you have achieved. I would say that in the last seven and a half years in my current position, I have achieved a lot. It’s too much to go into detail here, but suffice it to say that I am proud of myself. I have grown a lot in my area of expertise.

I am extremely proud of Greg. He is the best. I love him so much and I can’t say enough how proud I am to have him as my husband. He holds me up and keeps me going. Without him, I don’t know where I would be.

This is turning into a sappy post.

I’ll end it on a profound and high note then.

Go Atlanta United!

Luck of the Irish

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On this St. Patrick’s Day 2018, I wish to document here what I am truly lucky to have.

I am truly lucky to have a great husband who is not only patient with me, but is fun to be around… even after 13 wonderful years.

I am truly lucky to have a great job that I enjoy going to every day.

I am truly lucky to have great friends, both in person and around the world via social media and our YouTube channel.

Most of all, I am truly lucky to have my life itself, which I never take for granted and am always looking to improve. Who knows where that life will be by the end of 2018. I certainly hope that we will have a new and exciting place to call home by the end of this year. Mark my words. We shall see.

Thanks to everyone reading this out there for being such great and awesome people! You rock!

Hey Blog, How’ve You Been?

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I guess I should update this thing every once in a while, eh?

Vlogging has taken up the better part of the day-to-day life these days. I do seem to be more focused on that than anything. However, with new tools that I have gotten lately, I have come to realize that I could be doing more with this particular blog.

Speaking of the vlog (which is called Nick and Greg, btw, please do go and look) I have new ideas constantly. It’s a blessing, but a hindrance sometimes. Like at this particular moment. It’s 8:10am on Sunday morning, March 11th. I should be in bed, but I am not. Daylight Saving Time started last night, so that’s one less hour of sleep right out of the box. Dammit.

Guess I’d better go get some sleep while I can.

Nick & Greg’s Award Winning Chili Recipe

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NICK AND GREG’S AWARD WINNING CHILI

INGREDIENTS
  • 2 lbs Ground Chuck
  • 1 large onion, chopped
  • 2 (15 ounce) cans great northern beans, drained
  • 2 (15 ounce) cans kidney beans, drained
  • 2 (10 ounce) cans condensed tomato soup
  • 1 (10 ounce) can tomato sauce
  • 1 (10 ounce) can diced tomatoes with green chilies
  • 2 teaspoons taco seasoning
  • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
  • 2 teaspoons chili powder
  • 3 Velveeta Mini Blocks
 DIRECTIONS
  1. Brown ground beef in a large skillet and drain.
  2. Combine beef with the canned ingredients in a large crock pot. Add 2 Velveeta mini blocks into the top of the mixture
  3. Cook for 6-8 hours on Low or 3-4 hours on High.
  4. 30 minutes before it is ready, add a 3rd block of Velveeta and after it has softened, stir it in.
  5. Serve, adding cheddar cheese and/or sour cream, if desired.

This Blog Isn’t Dead… Yet

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When I decided to start the Nick and Greg channel on YouTube, I told myself that it wouldn’t consume all of my time.  It hasn’t.  But, on the other hand, this blog has suffered because of it.  I haven’t done any Trek Reviews, haven’t even wrote a general thought down here.  So, you could say that vlogging and dwarfed blogging on the totem pole of priorities in my life.

So, since I’m paying for this web space, I might as well at least try to blog again.

Mark my words.

Happy Holidays!

Trek Review: “Who Mourns for Adonais?”

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When the topic of Greek mythology came up in high school, I quickly realized that I had been exposed to the subject before.  It was the Greek god Apollo, as depicted by the versatile actor Michael Forrest, in the episode “Who Mourns for Adonais?”

The story is an intriguing idea in its depiction of how Greek gods could just be beings on a higher level of existence instead of a true deity.  My personal beliefs are that deities can be fallible, and Apollo certainly is that.  His constant demands for praise certainly are shortsighted.   A caring individual would certainly realize that the humanity of the 23rd century would have certainly outgrown the need for a being such as himself to give guidance and power.

That alone is not the true driving element of the story.  What drives it is the love interest between Apollo and Lieutenant Carolyn Palamas, played by Leslie Parrish.  She is an historian on the Enterprise, the A&A officer (as McCoy puts it at one point, meaning Archaeology and Anthropology.)  She takes a liking to Apollo and is quite smitten with him.  Kirk forces her to remember her duty of course and she has to poison that love for the betterment of the crew’s survival.  It had to end that way and it is very tragic to watch Apollo be destroyed and fade into oblivion.  Kirk is left to think if a little bit of worship would have been too much to ask.

On screen, that’s where the story ended.  It has been well documented that there was a tag scene on the bridge where we learn that Carolyn was in fact impregnated by Apollo during their time together on Pollux IV.  If you want to read the scene as it was written, go here to Orion Press and scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Of course NBC’s Broadcast Standards would never have allowed that to remain in a TV show in 1967.  It was way too suggestive.  However, it is still a very controversial and storied point in the story.  It has great emotional impact and definitely could have set up a sequel episode dealing with that child and what would happen from that point forward.  If only… if only…

Next week: I. AM. NOMAD.